


lean on him

by goldenwinter



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Letters, M/M, POV First Person, Self-Indulgent, This Is Sad, i teared up while writing, idk what else to tag, soobin keeps saying that he loves yeonjun because he loves yeonjun so much, soobin loves yeonjun too much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:40:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29436930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldenwinter/pseuds/goldenwinter
Summary: "I love you because loving you is not difficult, never difficult. I love you because it’s you. I love you because you’re worthy of my love. I love you because I love you."(Or Soobin writes a letter to future him and future Yeonjun.)
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AND I'M BACK!!! with another drabble
> 
> i know i just posted one recently
> 
> yeonbin didn't broke up this time
> 
> i wrote this instead of sleeping

I’m writing a small letter for you. I’ll pin this beside the big mirror on your room. If you don’t know what’s your name, what’s your age, or who you are, I’m gonna write it all down here on this piece of thin, white paper. Your name is Choi Soobin. You are 27 years old. You live in Seoul, South Korea right now with your boyfriend. Your birthday is on December 5. Your height is around 6 feet. You used to work in a company but you quit. You are a kind person, a loving person, a comforting person, and someone’s home. A lot of people love you. The same way as you love them too. You love anyone as much as they love you. You are that kind of person. 

You’re probably wondering who’s writing this letter. I’m Choi Soobin. Yes, you. You’re also probably wondering why I am writing this letter. You… you were diagnosed with an alzheimer’s disease. I know, it must be hard for you. Someone from your family has this illness too. That’s how you got it, most likely. When did I write this letter? I’ll put it at the end of the letter hehe. I’m still not forgetting things that much right now at this time, though sometimes I already do. I hope that by the time you’re reading this, you’re doing alright. Why am I writing this letter? I want you to never forget yourself and **him**.

Who’s **him** exactly? Choi Yeonjun. He’s your boyfriend. He’s the person you’re living under the same roof with. Yeonjun has always been there for you ever since you were a kid. He became your friend because our families are friends too. And then, you two entered the school and university together. He’s basically seen how you grew up into the person you are right now. Please don’t hurt him, no scratch that. Try as hard as you can to not hurt him. If ever, please read this letter everyday. I will tell Yeonjun anyway to remind you everyday about this letter.

Choi Yeonjun. He… he loves you a lot. Much more than you think. He expressed and told you a lot of times how much he loves you. Please don’t ever doubt his love for you. You trust him with all your heart. If ever you forget things, just ask him. Don’t hesitate. But don’t burden him, okay? He will always be there by your side. He will never leave you, I promise. If he tells you that he loves you, tell him that you love him too, no matter what happens. If he tells you that he misses you, tell him that you miss him too. It's as simple as that. Your relationship with Yeonjun, it’s clear and simple. You give, he gives back. He gives, you give back. You love, he loves back. He loves, you love back. Loving him is not difficult, never difficult. He is a very easy person to love, that’s why you fell for him. Loving you is not difficult either.

The time will come where you’ll forget everything, you’ll forget how to write, you’ll forget how to read, you’ll forget how to walk and all. That’s why I’m writing you a letter right now. If you forget everything, Yeonjun will be there by your side to remind you and help you remember things. Trust in him. You can do it, I trust in you too. Forget everything but Yeonjun and your love for writing. Forget everything but those two. Your love for those two are deep. They said the mind can forget but the heart doesn’t. I really hope it doesn’t. You love to write. You express your love in written words. You love to write for yourself and Yeonjun. You’d always give him letters on random days and you’d always tell him that “I love you more today.” because your love for him continues to grow as you grow.

Let me tell you more about you and Yeonjun. If you forget who’s Yeonjun again, he is your boyfriend, the person you’re living with right now, the person next to you. Choi Yeonjun is his name, he is 28 years old, and his birthday is on September 13. I’ve pretty much told you how you two met. So I’m gonna tell you how he asked you to be his. It was after school in your third year of being a high school student. You two always walk home together because your houses are just right beside each other besides you told him that walking home is better because you two get to spend more time with each other. You two were walking home when you heard him breathing heavily so you asked him what’s wrong. He said it’s nothing. So you said alright. Then you heard him once again. He finally told you that he was thinking about something. You asked him what it is, he said he likes someone and he thinks he couldn’t hide it anymore. So you, of course, felt happy and sad at the same time. You hoped that it was you. You hoped that it was your name he’ll call. He stopped in his tracks then he looked at your eyes. He called your name “Soobinie.” You hummed calmly but your heart was pounding. “Soobinie, I love you.” Those words ringed in your ears. You couldn’t think straight at that time until you realized what he just said. You looked at him with wide eyes. “I love you too.” was your reply. You saw Yeonjun smile. That was the best thing that happened that day so you thought you’ll make him happy everyday because his smile is the best sight to see out there. You promised to make him happy, so please if you’re reading this right now, tell him that he’s the prettiest person for you. Tell him that you love him more that day. Tell him everything that comes from the very bottom of your heart because he deserves to hear it. Plus he probably won’t expect that.

Try your best to not forget him. Wake up everyday and remind yourself how you love that boy inside your house so much. Forget his name, his age, his height, his zodiac sign, but don’t forget his face. If you wake up one day and you forget his name, it’s alright as long you can still recognize his face, the face of the man whom you love so much. 

Yeonjun… I’ve told you about how much that boy loves you, right? Please raise your thumbs up hehe. I see, I see. Let me tell you about how much you love that boy. You love him just as much. Oh wait, have I told you that **you** are his home? No? He finds comfort in you. He finds comfort in you as much as you find comfort in him. You love him unconditionally. You’ll die for him, you’ll live for him. You love him that much. Even I can’t write how big your love for him is. It’ll take me a hundred years before I can end this letter just to tell you how much you love him.

But, if you wake up one day and completely forget everything. Call him and ask him to give you the photo album. He already knows what you’re talking about. He’ll give you a photo album that consists of all the photos you and that guy took. Ask him every single thing that you’re curious about. If you see a photo of a guy hugging a guy, that’s… you and him. He’s your boyfriend. You love him. You love to take photos because you love collecting for memories. Funny right? How will you even remember those memories you collected when you are slowly forgetting it? But don’t worry too much, Yeonjun is there.

I said I’d keep this letter short so I’ll probably end this here. I also don’t know what else to write anymore. That’s everything that I need to tell you. I hope you’re doing fine, Soobin. I really hope. If you will not forget how much you love Yeonjun, I hope you also will never forget how much you love yourself. 

Take care of yourself, Soobin.

Don’t keep this letter in mind, but keep it in your heart so you won’t forget.

Things will get better. I promise.

  
  


  1. 02\. 15.



Choi Soo Bin


	2. Chapter 2

Yeonjunie-hyung. If you’re reading this, that means a year has passed already. I told you a year ago that you can only read this once a year has passed by. 

First of all, how are you doing? Are you taking care of yourself? I hope you are. I hope I’m not being much of a burden for you right now. Am I doing well there? Or … Am I still even there? 

If I’m still there, I hope that Soobin told you everything I told him in the letter I pinned on the big mirror. I love you, Yeonjun hyung. That Soobin beside you loves you, Yeonjun hyung. Choi Soobin loves you, Yeonjun hyung. I hope that Soobin is telling you everyday how he loves you more today because his love for you keeps growing as day passes by. Even if… even if he’s sick he still thinks about you. He still thinks about how he doesn’t want to bother you that much. He still thinks about your happiness. Because he loves you that much. Because loving you is not difficult, never difficult. Yeonjun hyung, I hope he’s not forgetting you. I hope he still remembers you. I hope your name comes out of his lips so softly and full of love. As if your name is the most precious word to exist.

But if I’m not there beside you anymore, I hope… I hope… I hope you’re not crying too much over me. Don’t cry too much or I will cry too. Be happy because my suffering has finally ended. If I’m not there beside you, I hope I left not forgetting about you at the very last breath of my life. I hope I’ve told you how much I love you because… I’m not there beside you to tell you how you’re the prettiest person for me, how big my love grows for you everyday, how I’ll love you for every life I’ll live. I love you because loving you is not difficult, never difficult. I love you because it’s you. I love you because you’re worthy of my love. I love you because I love you.

Also, if I’m not there anymore, you can still look at my photos! Because there, I’m alive. Because in those photos, my time is contained. Because in those photos, I’m there smiling brightly in the camera. You can put those in your wallet, in your phone case, in frames, basically everywhere! So don’t be sad. 

Yeonjun hyung, do you miss me? Do you miss the Choi Soobin who’s not sick? Raise your thumbs up, if you do. Raise your thumbs down, if you don’t. Because honestly, I miss that Soobin. I miss being free. I miss being careless. I miss the times where I don’t have to worry. I miss myself. I miss loving you like before where I don’t have to remind myself to love you.

Please don’t ever forget about me. I can be a little bit sad if you do too. I’ve forgotten my own self, even my lover will forget about me?! That sounds sad. It’s alright though if you do forget about me. That’s a part of life. You are my first and last love and I’m just your first love. 

But anyway! I love you so much, hyung! I hope you’re always taking care of yourself. Be happy, with or without me.

Until the next time you receive another letter from me!

Take care!

May your life be full of happiness!

I love you!

  1. 02\. 15.



Choi Soo Bin

**Author's Note:**

> would rlly appreciate it if you scream at my twt @rlavugyu or leave your thoughts on the comments TT


End file.
